I really thought i was going to be one of those wild sexed crazy pregnant women. You know, the ones who once the 2nd trimester hits, become these wild she things in the bedroom. Yeah. NO. BIG FAT NO. Not even a little bit. Instead of becoming a sex goddess, I turned into a tired, frazzled ice queen, a ‘not tonight, I have a headache’ kinda woman. I never thought that would ever happen to me!
TOO MUCH GOING ON
Between the IVF roller coaster ride, planning a wedding, getting pregnant, getting married at 30 weeks pregnant, going on bed rest at 32 weeks, sex kinda shuffled to the bottom of my priorities. Add pregnancy hormones, a gorgeous mammoth belly, and this girl wanted nothing to do with the chekapaopao dance. I mean, what if we poked baby A in the eye? After all, he was hanging down low, right there by my koochikoo, my poor little twinkie.
Then came along our twinkies, and breastfeeding, and lack of sleep, and more hormonal craziness. Add to that, insecurities about my postpartum body, and we had a recipe for frigidity. I had 0 desire to initiate anything or to have sex in any way shape or form. And when we did, can we say desert storm down there? Yeah, not fun!
So a lot of it was really a physical thing, but some of it, was mental too for a while. My hormones would cause me to look at my husband at times and think ‘oh my Gaaawwwd, I can’t stand you right now!,’ And who wants to do the deed when your koochikoo is as dry as sand paper, and the one touching it pisses you off? Quite the conundrum.
And yeah, somehow a total of almost 2 years went by. So, so, so sorry hubby! (poor guy is cringing as I write this, go easy on him).
HOW KOOCHIKOO CAME BACK TO LIFE
Then one day, 10 months postpartum, as I was in the midst of starting the breastfeeding weaning process, “aunt Flo’ showed up out of nowhere. And for the first time in my life, I didn’t mind seeing that bitch. As nice as it was having her gone for a while, vacationing who knows where, turns out her coming back triggered a shift in my body, and seemed to regulate something internally. Or maybe it was a combination of Aunt Flo, and decreasing my breastfeeding sessions. Whatever it was, I noticed I was feeling more responsive than I had in a long time, and physically ready, boy was I ever! Bye-bye Miss Frigid, hello there Miss Horny! Thank god! I had started to think Koochikoo was dead!
It also helped that I took koochikoo to the hairdresser, and she got a nice buzz cut shall we say. She had been looking pretty wild, very much like Goonigoogoo, big foot’s wife. My poor dear husband, what he had to endure.
Anyways, after the brief visit from aunt Flo, and a newly coiffed koochikoo, this girl was finally on fire! While fireworks were going off outside because it was 4th of July, they were going off in our bedroom too. And that’s how, koochikoo got her groove back!
For those of you whose koochikoos are still in a coma, don’t despair, they will wake up one day, like mine did. Don’t loose the faith!